The man gazed down, his hands were covered with blood, the deepest scarlet blood he had ever seen. It spilled across his hands, coat, and pants, but he couldn’t remember where it had come from. He knew something had happened, something so dreadful that he didn’t ever want to know what it was. Then he heard the gasps from the nosy old ladies on the corner and the runners out on their mid-morning jogs stopping in their tracks eyeing the blood, oh the blood, the stained red sticky blood. Suddenly the splitting pitch of a police siren swarmed the air like a speaker on high in a tiny, tiny room. Not knowing what to do he ran so fast his fist clenched his bulky chest as he gasped for breathe to loosen the horrific tightness binding his chest, but cease did he not, not stopping for anything or anyone.
Upon running several blocks without stop, the man noticed the eyes that followed him at every corner. The blood, oh the blood, he had to get rid of the blood, it seemed like Satan's fingerprint on his very body slowly drying to a deep reddish brown. He soon slipped into a public loo, tore off his stained coat and thrust his hands into the sink under a stream of hot water. Lathering his hands in soap he scrubbed and scrubbed but the blood, oh the blood, simply wouldn’t budge. For what seemed like hours he scrubbed, nearly pulling flesh from bone but even then the blood remained a deep scarlet stain on his hands.
The man recurrently wandered into thought, and subsequently failed to recall any memory of the occurrence. As hard as he tried he could not summon the memory from deep inside his mind. The unknowing of the unspeakable occurrence worried him exceptionally so. He was sure it was a mental blockade preventing recollection of the occurrence, for all he knew, for all he thought he knew was that it was terrible, so terrible that he would even go as far as saying it was as bad as the deep scarlet blood that stained his very skin. The memory of standing alone with his daughter wrapped tight in his arms with a deep look of discontent flooding her eyes remained imprisoned in his mind but beyond that was a black abyss of empty space. Surely it couldn't be...No it was impossible, his daughter was fine. In fact, she was probably waiting for him this very minute. Disgusted at himself for even entertaining the thought of such a terrible thing, the man turned his wrath back to the scarlet blood staining his hands and continued.
After cleaning himself to the best of his ability, although some of the deep scarlet blood remained stained on his body, he proceeded at a brisk walk across the cobbled street and back the way he came walking deeper and deeper into the city and towards the crisp blue ocean. Not knowing whether it would be in his best interest to simply return home or to return to the place of the occurrence, the man decided that neither the latter nor the first would suffice at the present and instead decided to remain walking as he attempted to penetrate deeper into his mind.
Upon achieving little success due to no lack of effort, the man decided that despite his conscious strenuous objection, he must return to the site of the occurrence, he must return to the blood…
deep
ReplyDeleteGood job with the diction/description. There were of few parts where it could have used more flow but other than that it had a good effect.
ReplyDeleteI thought it definitely had good imagery but I do agree with Ben the fluency could have been a little more there throughout your essay.
ReplyDeleteJohn, I really like your story, the diction is powerful and the imagery is dead on -- although you could have used more ways to describe the blood like Mrs. Woods suggested in front of the class. I don't think your sentences had issues flowing neatly together, maybe in one or two spots, but it was very clean cut. Great job, one of my favorites!
ReplyDeleteYour repetition of blood was very creative, and mimicked the short story, "To Build A Fire" but sometimes it seemed redundant and you could've used a different way to describe it. It made me realize how our actions can really affect our lives in ways we don't even understand.
DeleteAmazing uses of imagery! Very well written with a good ending
ReplyDeleteThe imagery was really good and kind of creepy. The only problem was the flow of the story in some spots.
ReplyDeleteWhen I first read the title to your short story, I kind of laughed. After reading it, I realize it fits wonderfully. The reoccurring theme of blood made it seem as if it was literally flowing out of the piece, and couldn't be stopped. At some parts, though, you really could have elaborated more--specifically the paragraph when we see his defense mechanism. The ending was perfectly dark, but maybe you could change it to "...he must return to the blood, oh the blood".
ReplyDeleteThe story is fabulously crafted, and I love the way you depicted the scenes about the man. One question is about the daughter, what had happened with her, what was the question he had? Overall, it was amazing! The piece flowed so deeply, and was beautiful, in a dark sort of way.
ReplyDeleteA very good story, and I liked how blood flowed through the story. I did get lost a little towards the end, but its end was very solid nicely wrapped up the whole story.
ReplyDeleteVery well written story John. The repetition of blood was very interesting in your story. It was like in Lord of the Flies when Simon dies. You basically made death look beautiful. The only things I would add would be literary devices.
ReplyDeleteI like the idea of repetition, but it could have been made much more creative. I think your voice shined through in this piece, however I think that your ending could be more creative.
ReplyDeleteThis was very well written. I liked how blood was such a major symbol, and a symbol that had to be faced at the end. I did hit a few snags as I was reading; where the flow was a bit off, but overall great story.
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ReplyDeleteVery nicely written John. I really liked how blood was introduced in the title, and it continued through the entire story. Also your imagery made the story great. Well done.
ReplyDeleteGreat story John. The diction used to relate back to blood created in nice flow throughout the piece. Also, you stuck to the topic of the story without wandering into other possiblities that could be expanded on, adding strength to the piece.
ReplyDeleteVery nice idea John, I liked how during the story the title was included which signified that it was an important part. The way you use diction in order to make your story flow is amazing, keep it up, you did a great job writing this.
ReplyDeleteI really liked your story John. Your imagery and diction were used very well. Like some of the other students said, I think you could have made it flow a little bit better. Overall, your story was very well written.
ReplyDeleteExcellent use of literary devices. Reminds me of Lady MacBeth: "Out! Out damned spot!" Is the blood really there...?
ReplyDeleteThank You! Funny you should say that, Mrs. Woods said it reminded her of that same thing...yes the blood is really there, it is a continuation of my prior short story, I can send you the completed work if you care to read it.
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